My Girls

I've had some emotional moments today, and I feel the need to write about it. And when I say emotional, I mean tears rolling down my face while group chatting with my friends because I miss them and the crazy moments we've had. Before I get into it, I want to ask you this: Have you ever been passionate about something that no one else seems to understand? Maybe it's blogging. Or a political stance. Or perhaps it's something on the "odd" side, such as cosplay.

When you think about your passion, how does it make you feel? Happy? Excited? Yeah, me, too. But to describe it as simply "happy and excited" doesn't seem to do justice for how I really feel. I fail at words when thinking about my passion.

I wish I could find an explanation for the love I have for this "thing" that returned to my life 10 years ago today and changed my world forever. I just want other people to understand how I feel and why it's so dear to me. I feel like every time I mention it to someone on the outside, they roll their eyes and think, "Good grief, grow up." Sometimes they actually do make fun of me, right to my face. Haters are gonna hate, I guess. But that used to bother me, a lot. I already have very low self-esteem, and these idiots only made it worse. However, my skin has grown thicker over these past few years, and my feelings don't get hurt so much when someone laughs at me or mocks me. They're the ones who are missing out and I feel sorry for them that they feel the need to belittle someone for enjoying what they love.

When I mentioned to my friends today that I wish there was a way to explain it, one of them pointed out, "I don't want people to understand. I want this for me and my friends. It's the one thing that makes me smile when I have a whole lot in my life that doesn't." That made total sense to me. I mean, I still wish other people "got" it so that they could at least appreciate why it makes me so happy. But its okay if they don't, because those who do are the only ones who need to know. They're the ones who have shared this journey with me and have never for a second judged me. 

So, you must be wondering what I'm talking about. And I know when I say it, there will be some of those eye rolls that I mentioned. But when you read what it is that's made such a difference in my life, I want you to know that I truly hope you all have something in your lives that brings nothing but pure joy to your heart. This world could use more of that.

Ten years ago today there was this magical thing that happened: my favorite boyband from my childhood, New Kids On The Block, announced their reunion on The Today Show. I was excited, but thought, "Cool. Too bad you'll be gone again in less than a year." I intentionally tried to not get too caught up in the hype, because I knew it would be yet another disappointment in my life and be taken away. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I was at the lowest point of my life at that time. There wasn't much that I got excited about, because it seemed as though the world was against me. I won't get into the boring details, but if someone had told me on April 4, 2008 what all would happen in my life over the next 10 years, I would've laughed in their face. I was going to get on a plane for the first time ever and go on a vacation with people I've only ever talked to online? I was going to meet these 5 guys I adored practically my whole life? I was going to develop friendships that meant the world to me? I would travel across the country multiple times with one of these friends, making the best memories of my life? Whatever.

I have such bad social anxiety that I shake and get short of breath just calling to make an appointment. Befriending people isn't my thing. So it blows my mind that I've made such close friends all because this cheesy overaged boyband reunited and stayed together. I guess it's because I know there's no judgement. They have this same "stupid" love for the band that I do. They get me. They're my peeps. 

We've laughed until we were physically hurting. We've danced on a lido deck and sang our hearts out at 4 in the morning. We've cried many times just because we love each other so much. We've gotten shit faced at 7 p.m. and had to hold each other up as we walked down Bourbon Street. We've done all kinds of crazy things that only we understand. But above all, we've loved. We've loved each other. We've loved those 5 guys who don't even know our names. We've loved meeting other people just like us. We've loved leaving our comfort zones and experiencing things we once only dreamed of. We've loved making future plans together. We've loved hearing all about each others' good news. We've loved having so many inside jokes that we can't even count them. I could go on all day...

And that's what my whole point is. New Kids On The Block aren't my passion. My passion is the moments I've had because of them, and the friends I've shared those moments with. I've spent entirely too much money on my "fangirl" shenanigans this past decade. I sometimes get down on myself about that. But honestly, it's been worth every penny. I can't begin to imagine my life without the friends I've made and the experiences I've had. I'm truly blessed. I can't imagine how my life would be, had NKOTB not decided to give it another chance. It'd be so mundane. Though, I'd definitely have a lot more money.

And to the non-believers... I say peace.